Pictures:
1. Thats the amazingly evil bad person.
2. What amazing stunts. really.
3.You see those two guys with AUTOMATIC rifles (actually three in jeep)? Thats about a couple of feet away from his balls. Three guns and they miss, not just Indiana jones, but nobody gets shot. beautyWhen i saw the trailer for the new movie, i naively had hope, that maybe Spielberg and Lucas, with all that time and money on their hands, along with the massive investments they've made on their new graphics studios will come up with something current, something that shares traits with the originals while still being progressive.
The movie turns out to be a ridiculous excuse for an adventure movie, with some very soft russian soldiers, who can empty a whole cartridge at point blank range and yet somehow manage to miss a very slow moving 80 year old fart.
They had riddles in the fucking movie! clues! and not of 'da vinci code' caliber even - think blue's clues. How can you get enough of the elaborately setup moving doors and traps deep in the middle of ruins, cheaply ornamented and eventually and always destroyed with these idiots sadly getting out just in the nick of time ?
How about a five minute long sword fighting scene on a fucking car when they have a gun holstered safely in the back? Does that lick your fancy? Then you will enjoy the pause in each fight scene long enough for the old man to catch his breath and throw out an awesome smart ass comment, before he ends that kindly soldiers life.
A few other things:
How can someone survive a nuclear blast in a fucking fridge?
How can anyone survive a car landing on their head?
How can you fall off THREE massive waterfalls in a car and not break something or get sucked in the torrent?
I guess waterfalls are gentle wonders of nature that gently carry you to the surface and to the bank.
More importantly, how can someone swing across banyan tree branches when the branches are hanging VERTICALLY?! Think about the physics of that.
Oh and the end of the movie! a fucking alien forms together and the entire city becomes a space ship and flies away. Next scene: Jonesy breaks the plot down for the audience in one sentence. And then the end. Not even fucking kidding.
How hard can it be to make a classic movie series cool and current? Watch batman begins and compare it to the old movies you'll see what i mean. If they can do it, i'm sure stevie and georgie can manage it. Or maybe they're getting too old. Dicks.
